I was asked this morning "What did you find helpful to be able to take that action?" about my achievements listed: Skydiving, Comedy, and Writing a book. I, as I tend to do, wrote an epic post in response. Meaning wonderful and LONG!! LOL.
For us to be able to achieve success in our endeavors we need to tip the scales in our favour to CREATE. And for all of these things I had to address the CREATE process.
For each achievement, I needed to be willing to develop Competency, which meant being willing to acknowledge what I didn't know and being open to learning. This balances with having people with whom I could create Relatability - for those of us who are externally connected and expressive doing it on our own is almost always a recipe for disaster. Skydiving my team was the instructor for competency and my family for relatedness. Writing a book I had a mentor to help with developing my competency. It was a group dynamic which gave me a sense of relatedness. This was before I truly understood the importance of having others on the journey. I did bring my son in and he wrote a book too, which gave me a greater sense of connection. I now am part of a far more active mastermind where I can connect more intimately. Stand-Up Comedy, again I chose to take a course with people who had achieved success. My support was 3 accountability buddies on speed dial and it was a group course - so I had company.
For each endeavour we have greater success when we ensure our current beliefs and attributes (which drive the amount of energy something takes) are counterbalanced by our sense of Autonomy - that we have a choice in the matter. When we are challenging beliefs or attributes, accessing new versions of these, we often feel more pressure, when our beliefs and self-assessments are more fluid we are able to adapt more easily and feel we have more choice to embrace new possibilities. Skydiving - I had to overcome beliefs around flying, falling, and surrendering. Writing my book I was challenging many beliefs about it being okay for me to share my own story, just for me, from my perspective, not to serve others, not a how to guide, just a story. I also had to tap into attributes of being self-focused, which was very unfamiliar. Stand-up comedy I was challenging a life long belief that had been embedded since I was a little girl of “Not being funny”. Tapping into parts of myself that had been belittled, shamed, and shut down.
We then need to balance Standards and Expectations - the gap between where we are and what is required fuels how much Effort we will need to exert to create our desires - with dedicating Time.
For skydiving this was easy enough - it was a one-off event, driving there and back, finding the money, all easily aligned with my standards and expectations - spending time and money on expanding my comfort zone was a regular occurance.
When it came to writing the book and tapping into consistency, sharing my personal journey these were a bigger stretch. These days not so much because I incorporated the standards and expectations. But dedicating consistent time for 90 days was a massive stretch.
Stand up comedy in terms of standards and expectations - show up, be present to the audience, follow through these were easy. A short 5 day training, followed by an evening performance, all of those were things I did every 2-3 months anyway. So as you can see, each goal requires different pieces as the key components. But overall each Goal will require us to create the balance between the 3 key pairs. Sometimes the balance is there already, while others we need to create a shift in how we are thinking to create it. Autonomy with Relatedness. Competency with Energy. Time with Effort. The same applies to Creating Household Management Routines and Systems. We need to start by acknowledging our choice (Autonomy) balanced out with knowing we are not alone (Relatedness) this can be done with our family or often more easily a group dynamic with others on a similar journey. We need to develop our Competency in planning, scheduling, delegating, and communicating with those around us, balanced with cultivating Beliefs and Attributes that support the goal we desire. If you think you can't afford a cleaner, you won't hire one. If you don’t want to spend money on a cleaner, yet, then you need to find a way to do the housework yourself, preferably with an underlying belief of being able to enjoy the process. Housework is a gift. I am an organised person. These beliefs are worth cultivating, to have Housework take less Energy and bring more Fulfillment. And of course, we need to dedicate Time, as directed by our Standards and Expectations. If housework is not something that appears effortlessly in your day, perhaps it is your habits and rituals that need to adapt. If you want to learn more about how I transformed my approach to Household Management from being a dictator and a bitch, who had a hint of martyrdom thrown in, to one of being calm, having her family want to help, and asking what needs to be done because of my attitude shift join us for a Spring Reboot. If you want to embrace that housework can be a space of developing mindfulness, slowing down, and filled with a deep sense of fulfillment; or if you just want a group of people who are also navigating household management stratgegies then join us for the Spring Reboot.